The Happiest Refugee by Anh Do

The Happiest Refugee by Anh Do

Book Club Questions:

What was your overall impression of the book?

What part did you like the best and why?

What touched your heart the most?

Regarding being refugees:

How bad it was in Vietnam to risk such a thing as coming as refugees?

Were they brave, or hopeful, or naive/ unaware of the risks (or something else)?

How do we do risk? Are we risk averse? Do we think we have too much to lose? Is it easier when you have nothing to lose?


Regarding the second pirate invasion:

Why did it take for them to get so desperate to stand up for themselves? Why not fight initially when they outnumbered the pirates? 

“The most dangerous animal is the one cornered and fearful.”

“Fear turned into desperate rage”.

How the “second pirate attack saved our lives.”

What if they had have intervened earlier (first attack)? 

Water was more important than the gold etc. How has this coloured Anh and his view of money?

Has this made him more free?


Regarding Australia:

“What a great country.” What Anh’s parents always said: gratitude to Australia.

When we Australia through the new refugee’s eyes, is it comparable to how we see it?

Do you think Anh is glossing over the hardship or negative details? Is Australia really that good? Or is it just by comparison to the stories Anh was told about Vietnam?


Lessons from parents: 

Dad: You can do anything.

Mum: Look after those less fortunate.

What lessons did your parents teach you?

What are the negative and positive of those lessons? How have they shaped your life? What lessons do you hope your loved ones learn from you? 


On Sammy and the beating he received from his father:

Why did Anh include this story? What is he trying to tell the audience here? Is it about casual violence, about Anh’s inability to speak up? Is it to show the ‘bloke’ way of not speaking of personal matters?

Regarding the homeless lady who follows them home:

Questioning fear, “What are you scared of?”

Anh’s Dad: “There is almost never a good reason to be scared.”

Do you question your fear? What is one of your big fears? When you look at it directly what are you actually in fear of? Is it something that you think is out of your control? Is there a theme to your fear?


Regarding when Anh didn’t get the school captainship and they still celebrated:

“If you lose and fail, you still celebrate coming second because you gave it a red hot go, there is no need to fear failure.” -Tam Do

Do you have fear of failure? Do you celebrate when you fall short of your goal? Why or why not? What risk/problem is there with celebrating coming second?


Regarding lessons from Anh’s parents:

Anh: “My dad is a legend.”

Can you say that about your parents? Do you feel like you had their support though your childhood?

Dad: “There are only two times in life, one is now and the other is too late.”

What do you think of that saying? Is now always a good time? Where have you not seized and opportunity? Have you ever seized it and found the timing to be wrong for you?


Regarding failure:

Mum: “Doesn’t matter.” 

Dad: “At least you know you’re sailing at the edge of your capacity.”

What do you think of failure? Is it something you avoid or chase after? What are your definitions of failure? 


Regarding Anh standing up to his father:

Losing respect for his authority and him in general. Then the crumbling of “principles come tumbling down and you lose respect for yourself”.

When did you first stand up to your parents? What did it feel like? What was your stand? Is it something you still stand for? How was it transformative in your relationship?

Regarding Anh’s storytelling:

The escapism of the drama class. Also the teacher’s encouragement of his storytelling.

Did you have an escape as a kid? Do you still do it? How do you feel when you do it? What words from teachers have stayed with you? What were your childhood dreams for yourself? What did you love doing?

Regarding being poor:

Anh had “shame mixed with desperation” on being poor.

What were finances like when you grew up? Did you have money awareness? Money abundance? Was it taboo to talk money? What is your money story now? 


Regarding being an underdog:

“I know an extraordinary result is a very real possible outcome.”

What do you think about being an underdog? What is it’s negatives? Do you think extraordinary is possible for you?


Regarding challenges:

“If you apply yourself at the right time with the right intensity you can accomplish just about anything.” 

Where has this been true for you? Do you bring the right amount of intensity? 

“When you know it’s right for you, but it scares you, it means you have the most to gain from doing it.”

Do you agree with this statement? Where has it worked/not worked in your life? When is the last time you did something that scared you? What did you have to gain? What did you gain? 

“Let your own integrity be the ultimate guide.” And polonius quote: “To thine own self be true.”

Do you do this? Where have you not, and what was the result? You honestly say you are living your truth right now?


Regarding Anh’s work ethic on art and law, and then in comedy:

Have you ever worked at something that hard? If so, what was your motivation? Did you have something to prove and who to? 


Regarding loving his flawed father:

Do you see your parents as flawed, or perfect? What did you think when you first really SAW them  as humans, and not parents? How do you think your kids see you? Do you think you could forgive like Anh did? What would it take for you to forgive like that?


Regarding decisions:

“When you don’t do something, that’s a decision.”

(Not choosing is choosing)

Where have you abdicated your responsibility? And what happened next? Why did you do that? How was your life affected (better or worse) for it?


Regarding racism and Anh’s experience of it:

“The bouncer’s opinion of me didn’t matter one bit, but what she thought of me meant everything.” 

Do you think he glosses over it because he chooses not to see it/ act on it? Or is he genuinely unaffected? 

Is this a case of staying in his own business?

…And then the worst gig and being able to test himself: “he meant it as a compliment so I took it as one.”

>>the conversations that then followed. 

DWTS community voting: “It melted away all those moments in my life, and there have been very few to be honest, when I’d copped racism and had been made to feel like an outsider."

Regarding the healing in the siblings when they finally visited the father: 

“There is a forgiveness she allows them to leave behind the anger and memories of a violent drunken father and remember a wonderful loving father.”

Do you have anyone to forgive? Or have you already done so? What was the result for you? Why didn’t you forgive earlier (what were you waiting for)?

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