False Selves 

Adapted from “We” by Gillian Anderson and Jennifer Nadel

An exercise to help you reconnect with your authentic self.

Think about what false selves you may have developed over your lifetime, remembering that each one came to keep you safe. Close your eyes and allow yourself to slide backwards along the timeline of your life. Be honest about the sub-personas you’ve developed. 

For example: Maybe you were the good girl who was rewarded for working hard, and now you are a the top of your career ladder and you have no idea why you climbed it. Perhaps you gained your self-worth by taking care of someone and now you continue to give more than you have, and you wonder why you’re always running on empty…etc.

It may be a challenge to draw sharp distinctions between the characters you’ve played, whose boundaries may conflict and overlap. Were you Mummy’s little helper or Daddy’s princess? Were you the intellectual or the dropout? The peace-maker or the truth teller (or both)? Were you the people pleaser, a party girl, a loner or a saint? 

Write down each sub-personality you find. 

Normally we find five or six dominant sub-personas that are still with us as adults.

Take each one, visualise her as a separate person. Greet her and thank her for the protections she has given you. Each of them has helped to keep you safe. 

When you’ve worked through the list take five deep breaths in and out and congratulate yourself. 

Who you really are is not these personas- who you truly are lies beneath and beyond them.