Welcome to August: YOUR Gang! 

This month we want have a look at your close community, and what that means to the bigger community that we call society. Right now we are all going through huge shifts. For some of us they are to do with personal freedoms, and for others they might be philosophic or economic ones. Or all of the above (and many more besides). So before we get overwhelmed by the challenges and gifts that 2020 is bringing us, we would love to bring you back home. 

To YOUR people. 

Friendship is defined as the relationship of mutual affection between people. It is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an association. 

Now as you would imagine, friendship has been studied like crazy by psychologists (see what I did there?) and social scientists alike, but the crux most of the theories seems to be that as adults, we form strong bonds with people that we like, and where we receive a mutual benefit (and no, we’re not talking about friends with benefits). 

According to many of the theories, it appears that we do a kind of cost-benefit analysis when we are establishing new friendships, considering things such as distribution of resources, contrary tendencies and possibly even preferred attachment styles. 

With all that going on, it’s amazing that we ever end up with any friends (I usually just look at their shoes, and ask what footy team they barrack for- Al), and yet, we do. Because of course there’s a reason why we want to have friends, and it’s more than just having someone to go to the movies with, it’s about being truly seen.

Friendships can take on many forms, possibly depending on your preferred early attachment style (secure, anxious, dismissive-avoidant, fearful-avoidant) which are formed with our very first human connection. Your style will determine just how you like to do adult friendships and how much you are willing and able to invest in friendships, and even what those friendships look like. The amount of love and support we receive from our friends will be determined by what we are willing to ask for, and perhaps even how dependent we allow ourselves to be. 

This week, we would love you to reflect on your friendships, both past and present. You can think about all manner of things, like what you get from friendships, why you befriend some people and not others, how many friends you like to have, and even how you actually make friends.

Most importantly we would love you to define: Who do you call a friend, and what is the difference between a friend and an associate?

Take a moment now to have a think, because as you know, words and definitions bring the colours and flavours to your life. The more we know, the more we can enjoy.