Last week we asked you to have a think about anger in general, and more specifically to look at what themes emerge about the deeper source of your anger. We hope you may have begun to see what is at the core. Did you notice yourself wondering if you are enough?

We know that right now you might be saying, “But I’m not angry.” We get it. Anger as we are accustomed to seeing it tends to be a fairly intense sensation that peaks quickly, perhaps in violent outbursts or impassioned speech, leading to some kind of resolution. This is a very masculine form of anger. We see it frequently in popular culture and possibly in our homes. 

Remember the masculine brain is perfused with testosterone, so it moves with a single focus, noticing and attending to the thing in front of it. Coupled with a more active amygdala, this could mean that the male brain will show anger more readily. Which was probably pretty useful when the males of the species were out killing lions for dinner. Fight > flight > feast (and maybe fornicate later on).

By comparison, female anger may involve different pathways, so even though the ‘anger event’ itself might look similar, it could have different implications. Oestrogen perfuses the whole cortex, which means we tend to look at the broader picture, perhaps tying our anger to a multitude of events, and even catastrophising them. Added to this, we have a larger hippocampus, which is great for creating long term memories. Merge this with our innate desire to ‘tend and befriend’ and we have an interesting juxtaposition, where we may find ourselves in an angry double-bind.

Perhaps you have noticed that in other women (wink: not you of course), that if they do have an anger event, the outburst may involve a list of recriminations and past slights all rolled into one explosion. To the untrained eye, the causes may even look unrelated to the current tipping point of the anger. This is most likely because, as Alison’s good friend Marty often says, “The cause is not the cause.” Meaning: there is something underneath it. Possibly something that we are directing towards ourselves. 

If the underlying cause is revealed, then the anger event will have created enough intensity to shine a light, so solution finding can commence at some point in the future. In this case the anger is productive, where just like a fever in the body, it burns a path to allow for new growth. 

If this is not the case, the outburst doesn’t highlight the real issue and the froth and bubble simmers back down, and we are left with anger that doesn’t achieve it’s goal- just like a fever that never reaches the peak temperature sufficient to kill the bacteria. We still survive, but the healing takes longer. And as a result, we fume.

Soraya Chemaly said, “Women can let their rage scorch them slowly from the inside out- or they can channel it and express it in powerful and beautiful new ways.”

This week we would love you to really spend some time getting to know your anger. We know you have it somewhere, and we also know that it might take some time to allow it to come out in a way that is safe for you. We will chat about this in the podcast, but for now we would like you to ask yourself the question that we think underpins almost every issue: “Am I enough?” 

Look in the mirror and ask yourself that question. 

And then ask again,

And again. 

You are enough. You really are enough. So let’s start acting like it, and channel that anger to where it really wants to go, to create beautiful things.